The Weeks Before Christmas

I got in the holiday mood yesterday and decided I wanted to do something fun. So I did what many have done before, I made my own Night Before Christmas poem. I downloaded the poem and made a number of changes just for me. I'm amazed at how easy it was to do. I had a little trouble when it came to punctuation. The thing was littered with semi-colons, my arch-rival and nemesis. I'm never really certain to use them. Periods work just fine. Well here you are, My version called...

THE WEEKS BEFORE CHRISTMAS
by Alex Kruse
adapted from Clement Clarke Moore

'Twas a few weeks before Christmas, when all through the pad
Not a creature was stirring, not even this lad;
No stockings were hung by the TV with care,
Except for his puzzles, the entertainment center was bare;
The tenant was nestled all snug in his futon,
With visions of sugar-plums and maybe a crouton;
Ben on Google Talk, and Chuck on ICQ,
Had recently logged off, cuz they're tired too,
When out in the parking lot there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the futon to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I leaned in like a flash,
Split open the blinds to check out the crash.
The moon on the tips of the new-fallen leaves
Have just as much luster as a movie with Keanu Reeves,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a pile of bricks, and not one reindeer,
Standing in rubble as best as one can,
I knew in a moment it must be Kool-Aid Man.
As nimble as an elephant he turned around,
And he grumbled, and shouted, like a dying bloodhound;
"Now, Apple! now, Lemon! now, Grape and Strawberry!
On, Orange! on Cherry! on, Punch and Raspberry!
Just to the left! At the end of the hall!
Guide me a bit, cuz I think I might fall!"
He took a deep breath and in came a bubble,
He looked at the ground and eyed up the rubble,
So over to the door the Big Man did stumble,
I plugged up my ears for the impending rumble.
And then, in a twinkling, with all of his heart
He slowly backed up for his running start.
As he drew in his hand with his upside-down frown,
He made for the door and it tumbled down.
He was translucent bright red, and covered in frost,
And all through the havoc, not one drop was lost;
Now in front of me, a man kids all liked,
But I could tell from the smell that his punch had been spiked.
His eyes -- how they twinkled! His smile how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his filling was cherry!
I thought to myself this is him at his worst;
This Kool-Aid Man was for an adult's thirst;
A glittering sight, a frat boy's temptation,
The image enhanced by the flowing condensation;
He was one big face streaked on a belly,
That shined, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old pitcher,
And I laughed when I saw him; he made my night richer;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his torso,
Soon gave me to know, in his visit, there was more so;
He mumble quiet words, like a priest that anoints,
And filled all the cupboards with great Kool-Aid points,
And laying his hand on the counter to be steady,
And giving a nod, let me know he was ready;
He sprang out the hole he had made on his entrance,
I was baffled and puzzled, cuz none of this made sense.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he ran out of sight,
“OH, YEAAHH to all, and to all a good-night."